Living in Sorrow
by DarkLordLongbottom
Summary: Re-written. A One Shot rant written by Neville Longbottom. He talks of the parents he never had, the life he never wanted, and more.


**I love to hate my Life **

**By: Neville Longbottom **

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**I live a life not worth living at all. Nothing but pain, sorrow, humiliation, and torment follows me around. To those around me I am but a shadow drifting by. None of them will ever understand the pain that hides beneath the surface. They would buckle and fall to the ground in torment if they ever tried to walk a mile in my shoes. But, they never will try because to them I am nothing more than a joke, a person to vent their anger out upon. **

**Why do they not see past my false smile, my nervous laugh, and my jitters. Why do they not look into my eyes and see the sorrow that has never left them. Why was I cursed above all the rest. My child hood held no joy for me. Forever being told I was not good enough. That I would be a disgrace to my family. School years seem not to make it better. How can I learn what I fear so much. How can I learn to wield the same thing that others used to take my dearest away from me. I prayed to whatever gods would listen that the letter would never come but, at last it did. **

**They cheered and screamed proudly like I have never seen before. But, I hid in the shadows and cried. Not tears of joy like them but, of pain. Because I knew I would not last seven years at that school. I knew no one would care about the timid little boy who never did anything right and always forgot. So I did my best to stay out of the way. Taking my stand in the shadow, becoming the master of vanishing I guess one can say. But, that all changed when they so my weakness. **

**They attacked like a dragon upon a fallen prey. Humiliating me to the point I would run back to the shadows to cry. I will never give them the honor of seeing my tears. The honor of knowing that they hurt me more than any type of magic could ever do. I would stay awake at night hoping my life was a dream. Praying that when I open my eyes my parents would be there smiling down upon me. The bad thing about that is that only happens in dreams and this is reality.**

**But the worse thing that I face by far is that blank stare. I would wish it upon no one. The stare seems to penetrate in to my very soul. It has never failed in bringing back the horrors of that fateful night. That dark and deadly night that forever took the light out of their eyes. I have relived that night countless times over the past thirteen years of my life. Always starting with one single word and ending in screams of terror. But, through all that each morning I plaster on my fake smile for the world to see. Knowing that none of them would care to hear of my problems. **

**I am nothing more than a pawn in this world surrounded by Kings and Queens. My life choices mean nothing to them, for like the pawn I am the weakest on the board. Sent out to be destroyed. But, every pawn has a dream. A dream of becoming something greater. I wish to be that pawn. To stand tall when my name is called upon. To never back down from the challenge they lay in front of me. But, then again I once wanted to be the Minister of Magic. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would have a better chance getting elected than I would. **

**Grandfather always told me I could change the world with just one smile. I wish he was still here. He could make the best out all situation. Plus Grans never dared to put me down when he was present, after all I was his heir. I hate that word more than I hate Lestrange. Well almost. 'Make the family proud.' Grans says it all the time. I guess she thinks I will forget or something, go figure.**

**But, the truth of the matter is I could kill You-Know-who and all his merry-men in mask, cure my parent, find a way to block the unforgivable, and be elected both Minister and Headmaster and she would still not be satisfied. Because, Merlin knows my father would have done it faster and better and would never break a sweat.**

**I love my father to death but I swear the way she goes on about him you would think he could make Merlin himself look like a squib. I never failed to notice one thing though. She never mention my mother. It's always 'your dad this' and 'your dad that' never your mother. Even is she is not her blood she is mine. I think she blames her for what happen to my father in some ways. And if that is not it she did give birth to the King of all Squibs Neville "Bloody" Longbottom.**

**You should have seen her when I told her about my dad's wand. I swear I thought she was going to Avada me right then and there. Instead I got the worse end of the stick. Another rant about how I dishonored the family name and brought shame upon my father. Lestrange could never cause that much damage in her life time. **

**She never once told me she was proud I stood up beside my friends. Never once did she gloat to the family about how out of all those who went I still stood (Kind of) at the end. That even with a busted nose and mouth I still went to help my friend. That woman is about one step away from that grease ball potion master. Who has been moved down a notch to let the Lestranges take his place as my top fears. **

**Those bloody sucking evil spawns of the devil. I was scared when I heard they were out. Thinking that maybe they wanted to finish off the job that they had started. But then came the D.A. I still feared them yes, I knew with one word they could put me next to my parents. But, I also knew that with two words I could send them straight to he... well you know. **

**Revenge never gets you anything they say. Well, maybe that is true but, I will only find out when they fall lifelessly to the ground or when they give me that dazed look my parents always give me. That day will bring with it a thought so happy no dementer would ever be able to take away.**

**Either that or life in Azkaban but, hey it would be worth it. Well, I better end this I have to go be stared at through dinner and then get my bed time story. You know the one about how 'dad did this' and 'dad did that.' So until next time.**

**With love,**

**Neville**

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**I cried how about you? If you did maybe you need to get your head checked. You are by far to emotional. No, Just kidding.Thanks for spending the past minute or so of your ****time reading my story. If you liked it review. If you did not like it I am proud to know that I have taken an extra minute or so off your lifespan. :-)**


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